Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
