you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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