you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
