ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
