he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
