My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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