I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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