I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
