Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
