I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
