I got chris browned last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
