so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
