I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
