Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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