I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
