If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
