she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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