dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Enjoy the penises
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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