I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
