im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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