i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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