I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
