Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize