just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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