We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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