nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
