ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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