last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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