Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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