We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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