I have demons in me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
