The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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