well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are the jesus of drinking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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