i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
