At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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