forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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