she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
