i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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