At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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