ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
