I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
