i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
