i will never coherently bang her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
