I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
