By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its not stalking. its research.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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