I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
