He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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