R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
