the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
