I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
