I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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