Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry getsick843 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!

Fav 26 3945 1428
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.

Fav 13 5866 1307
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

I understand why you refuse to be sober now

Fav 8 5091 1269
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

Fav 4 4122 1432
share tweet
(218): View more from Minnesota

Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?

Fav 7 2221 864
share tweet
(587): View more from Alberta

I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.

Fav 6 908 721
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(208): View more from Idaho

The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.

Fav 4 491 225
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(269): View more from Michigan

I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother

Fav 0 26 55
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

I don't like kids.

(928): View more from Arizona

You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago

(702): View more from Nevada

I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.

Fav 0 85 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT