Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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