Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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