fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
