had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
