Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is Oprah even human
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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