I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
