This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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