What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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