dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
