By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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