I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
