i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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