Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize