I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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