why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
