I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
