I want to make a zoo with you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
