Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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