My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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