she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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